bottled up thoughts in maroon and yellow

I HATE IT! That horrid feeling that has been like a shadow behind me. When night comes, it envelopes me! Sigh... it just spoils everything. I start to eat ALOT, even though i'm full. Nothing becomes fun. What's missing? I read one of the e-mails and it said something about being empty. That God's the only one that can make me feel whole again, it makes sense. FUCK, i miss the zest i had for life. For going out and having fun. I HATE IT! The fact that i reject dates. The insecurity i feel. My horrible haircut! Shit, my life's just full of regrets. I HATE IT! That my friends are having problems and i can never find the right words to console them. I HATE IT! That i blew money on careless shopping on designer stuff that i now see wasn't worth the money and was all just impulse buys. Leaving me pretty broke. I HATE IT! That a week has passed and i've been out everyday. Left unprepared for next week's common test. That i'm not even sure what chapters are coming out and what subject's on what day! I HATE IT! That unknowingly i lead guys on! I HATE IT! That i made a guy that i liked (as a friend) get upset! I HATE IT! That ***'s been a torn in my life. Can't stand him. Can't stand my taste! I HATE IT! That i don't understand fashion. I HATE IT! That i have a curfew that wasn't suppose to be there. I HATE IT! That my laptop mouse sucks! I HATE IT! That my dentist was an arshole. That he wasn't observant enough! What's left to be thankful for? Kim & Lionel are doing great! and... My baby, babe and her pie just started! And from what i heard from babe, their really a sweet couple. Like two peas in a pod.