_Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Went to pizza hut with Joel today, and I met good old Riduwan the rat there. I miss that fella! He and Ian used to the two monkey’s of the class. He so happen to be working there again, and he passed me a discount voucher under the bill. How sweet is that. I was seriously touched! Yar, I miss the arfeefah boy! Haha. Anyway Joel and I had a super cheesy pizza, it was so so good. All that mozzarella. So gelate. Feeling like I’ve got too much fats on me now. Haha.

“ It’s sad, can’t you ever get the burger without the bun, the chicken pie without the chicken, the chilli without the spice. I wish that sometimes we could do things without having to take responsibilities. To enjoy the cuddles, share affection, without having to pay it with commitment. Because when you see the commitment you realize things won’t work out after all. I got pretty disappointed today, I realized my life’s a mockery. You play the guessing game. You find the answer. And now you don’t want what you wanted so badly before. Soon you’ll regret letting go of your last decision to give it up. And at the end of the day, you’re an un-satisfied person. God’s mocking me. He’s given me so much at me feet, but not a heart that will appreciate? I want to, I really do but I also know there’s no point lying to myself. ”

Wei said something a week back which I totally agree now. Looks are not only skin deep. The sad fact is that how you look affects, the way people treat you and the amount of attention you get. Undeniably first impressions do count. I’m not against it. But sometimes I think is a real pity that people want to be friends with you just because of the way you look, the amount of money you have in your pocket, your status, the way you dress, the assets you have. I wish that the world would make a conscience effort to judge people not by the way they look, or the things other people say, but from a first hand point of view. Can it be that hard?

“ Feeling like a fucking whore. Freaking pissed. I should have seen the signs. I’m glad it’s not too late. I blindly dug the hole to my own grave, and you didn’t say a thing. I wish you told me. I don’t want to be the in between, how the hell am I going to mend the fucking hole now. I guess it’s stupid, since I haven’t clarified things with you, should i? Every things falling into place now.” How the hell am I suppose to stop saying fuck.

darling scribbled at 2:00 AM
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