bottled up thoughts in maroon and yellow: C&C

Contradict and complain Exams are coming and I just can’t wait for the holidays. Been checking out juice, all the upcoming parties! Just today I had to turn to down a movie at Joel’s friend’s place, so rare- CAN’T GO! and the tiger beer party which I try to console myself that only uncle’s go. Though XQ was tempting me with her free tickets and good company that leave near me, 6th avenue and drive fast cars. If they didn’t call me out, remind me what I’m missing, I doubt I’ll feel as lousy as I feel now. I’ve got chris work ahead and a Monday morning paper which I have just just started learning from scratch. All of which I’m so tempted to forget but yes I’m reminded my dad’s been angry with me today and he’s given me a curfew. My Sunday’s already burnt with cor and meetings, so I can’t do my work tomorrow. Yes complain complain complain, when i’m stuck at home on a Saturday that’s what I do best.

Had a serious talk with Chris today, and he’s decided not to recommend me for LEAP this year. In a way it’s a good thing cos I knew I wasn’t ready considering my current road, but still I cringe because hey it’s LEAP after all, something I know if when on the right track I’ll do well in. I guess I want to serve, the 17-20th thing and elohim is something I’m already in but somehow I rather LEAP cos LEAP is some what like an every week thing, where as 17-20th pops up here and there and so does elohim. But I know I’m not ready. Well at least the weekly thing on Saturday is. I guess I’m not making much sense. Cos LEAP and e rest are probably about the same just the level gets higher. Come to think of it, I don’t want any of these. I want to drift further and further away, enjoy myself, make more fun out of my Saturdays, work etc- I know I’m wrong.

You appear inside, and you don’t go away, always at the back of my mind. It’s like poison, cos I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid if I forget, I’ll regret. Which most of the time is the case. I wish she’ll never come up again, cos she’s in the way. But then again, her presence just shows that the picture ain’t inspiring enough and thus won’t last. The colours will fade, the paint crack even before the picture is done.