bottled up thoughts in maroon and yellow

Angel- beyonce and kelly. If I only knew… It’s strange, feeling lousy once second and of hope the next. Reading between every line like my bible, silently wishing, that everything’s going to be alright, when I know it probably isn’t, when I know i shouldn’t either. I don’t know it’s my latest and biggest curiosity of the day, the thing that’s got be pressing the button down to be greeted by that familiar tune, my one and only connection to... And after that, I go by the familiar train of thought to my biggest disappointment yet, or my most wishful, naïve mistake of hoping or being blinded by the word trust. Trust and hope gave me the illusion that there ain’t no lust, and loyalty and real concern exist. I hate what I see, trying to love it now. A month back you saw something, just the superficial at first then what? It’s the superficial that disappoints, I was blind to think you all were in it for the person and not some selfish competition. It seems like everything goes behind my back, and when I find out about it, I start thinking, regretting, feeling so SO dumb. Did I waste my fortnight in the wrong hands. Why don’t you tell me anything now? I don’t know how to react when I see you, to look down or up. To show if I care, cos I’m thinking should i? Anyway XQ’s friend drove me back on a sweeet mazda today, can you believe hot chick behind a mazda-happening. Just a car of her own, nice. Just a short chat, reminded me of what I’m missing out on. I miss mahjonging till dawn, freedom in the day and night, hanging out with all the nocturnal friends of mine, who ask everytime. I’ll be so dumb to think that they’ll keep at it if I keep turning them down. Looking forward to next week, God don’t disappoint me or should I say I’m trying not to disappoint. Fuck fuck. And the simple words that disappoint. I’m taking the hard road once again, and I know it’s going to be a fruitful journey with regret. If only I was afraid maybe my path wouldn’t have crossed all of yours… The Greatest Story- Avalon. When the words don’t just mean something, when I start living it.