bottled up thoughts in maroon and yellow: driven away on my mini cooper to improve my feeble lyircal life story

_Sunday, November 21, 2004
[driven away on my mini cooper to improve my feeble lyircal life story]

My naïve-ness, the illusion I give myself to assure myself I’ve got the iq. My never endearing ability to say things and leave them in a blur, resulting in unnecessary opinions. To think I’m helping when I’m not, because of inexistent vision to see the whole picture. My blue eyed week’s been scizzel bizzel dizzel different. Very trying. Saturday was bunch at fosters,cell the dinner at some posh Italian restaurant so filling. Cell was good, a different feeling this time. Had some sharing with lingna and wenling, people I never really got to know better, today’s the first step, looking forward to the next. PLUS DEBBIE IS COMING HOME AND YEUNG IS ALREADY IN SINGAPORE! I MISS OLD TIMES BEST FRIENDS HATE DISTANCE THOSE PLANE RIDES THAT SEPARATE US. WHEN I SEE YOU, I DON’T KNOW JUST WHAT I’LL DO. Feeling like a fat ars recently, drinking rich food, seafood tomorrow as well oh man… my stomach and zouk out don’t go hand in hand. Friday first bumkins, lunch walk which got us all drenched skin and bones wearing sfi jackets walking around trying to keep warm after. Wet shoes. Borrowed umbrella. Funny times. Singing in the rain all the kiddy songs- unforgettable dude UNFORGETABLE haha. Then it was with fluffy, stephy and the rest. I have to thank furball for the whole thing, it was very trying. And at the end of the day we ended up in a club called desire was it? Haha, boogie woogie bollywood beats? Thursday it was sleep. Wednesday was pure madness I still cannot believe i only managed to catch 2 hours of sleep the entire day. In the wee hours of the morning, it was just the 3 of us under my block, my 2 heroes one coming the shape of a fat red lobster ;) then to chris, then 2 precious hours of sleep, a haircut and next a costly lunch at crustacean with lobsters, mussels, scallop, cod, seafood bisque, some drink, chocolate cake etc. really not that fabulous. Then to mediacorp, for rehearsals, nightmares in the fitting room from NO CLOTHS. Mediacorp really had no cloths, and most of them, beautiful Belinda had worn on the same programme. How ironic. I had a surprisingly enjoyable time with the girls, I felt comfortable, I liked the fact that there wansn’t any competitiveness, and the way things worked out, I honestly couldn’t have it any other way. I didn’t get in, but I’m quite okay about it cos during the short period of time I got to know them better and out of the five, the 2 selected were actually the 2 I really got to know better, the ones I liked, the ones I felt deserving. Gwen and I had quite a time in the toilet during the first dressing, I was being a bitch and she was laughing not judging- I really appreciated that cos I was really being a bitch cos the “fashion guru” from the station was pissing us all off, bad cloths, lousy attitude, try to be alittle bit more helpful auntie we’re not big stars, we’re just girls who want to wear something NORMAL and fitting. Gwen was laughing at the way I was complaining how the skirt went with me how unfitting and all. Elizabeth just blew me away with her maturity, elegance and sophistication. By far the prettiest I believe for the episode. And also the least self conscious and that is absolutely beautiful. What made things so much better, was the presence of my old girlfriends from secondary school- the ones I kind of loss contact with, bumkins, stephaye, Melissa-thanks for the mango cake I have the video of it I really appreciate what you’ve done for me tell me how can I do the same for you for kim it’s cheese cakes and char siew sous that do the trick but for you I can’t buy sleep ;) triumver and fluffy & co. all really special people. Though janet couldn’t make it. Tuesday, was good friends day. Kim and Mel!!! What else can I say. Thank yous? Kim for the blusher though to my disappointment bobbi brown is screwed up they give me the correct box but the wrong colour inside. And believe it or not that’s now got me wanting foundation. Haha. That’s a whooping 150 just like that. Tulips. Mel for the cake and a good Tuesday. Tulips. Jerald, bling bling. Tony, cake. I owe u more then just an apology. But let’s leave it that things happened in such a way that my heroes has given you an unpleasant illusion that’s put a stop to this nonsense. Joel, ash, had, for the lyrical card, boots, and a very very sweeeet scent. Kiwi, the most beautiful bouquet of roses I have ever seen, sweeeeets. The week had been so finnnne, despite severe sleep deprivation, broke-ness, problems, the fact that many a times we could have been having better times. “just the other night furball read strangely familiar lines from my blog, things I wrote out of anger that just wasn’t even I myself thought something I couldn’t have said. Sometimes I scare myself…& something totally unrelated just flashs pass, I realize they were meant for me, you felt my presence you stopped it was all my fault don’t stop cos everything’s slipping even if I don’t want it to I just can’t help it I just can’t let you know the fear of awkwardness the loss of something good the fact that I’m not good enough the stuff I know I wouldn’t do the freedom I know I don’t have the things physical material they weren’t there you just saw the illusion I created ”