In the wee hours of the morning, it was zouk- sasha, wasn’t so bad I guess. Got to hang out with fluffy and the rest for awhile first. Then it was to zouk, where strangely I just couldn’t really take the drinks that night, had a splitting headache and I puked when I got home. Gross. wasting myself on drinks, feeble attempts to dance, whore like reactions but it had to be good fun. The effort put into the whole thing had to make it fun. Today I went out with emo for awhile, the minute I stepped out of my house it was regret, why am I wasting my time questions in my head. Every action, stick-eeee-ness just got me sick. no doubt, nice, caring, sees me for my bad temper yet understands, but please you think you understand me BUT YOU’RE NOT EVEN CLOSE, and trust me just because you feel that you can share with me stuff and I understand doesn’t mean we are any closer. Please get the vibe. Please please. I feel bad enough that you insisted on getting me something. We were always friends why can’t the people I don’t like see the same picture I paint. Then it was to textile mall, for the compulsory webchat, no one told me there was going to be a webcam! The minute I found out… I’m like whhhhhattt… thank God I have a cap. I don’t need overly-friendly, second intention people getting to know me better, let alone recognize me. *go away go away.
Been thinking the whole day, joel says I was never one that needed a guy. Everyone around seems to be having little infactuations, mild flirting with new people they’ve met, but just not me. Cos when I realize you don’t fit, you just don’t and I don’t like to lead you on any longer. Pity pity. Always leaves me with nothing, but I’ve no intention to force anything. Just a struggle still, when you can get so much at the expense of another. Something I never want to do, ever. It’s normal in this world, perfectly legal, but I’m abnormal sometimes not of this world.
Nov 17? Yes it’s on 17. thanks Christian you’re such a darling for remembering (God I miss you), I have no idea what other people think is the correct date anymore since I’ve been getting afew nice and caring well wishers and testimonials when it’s not even 17 by people who thought they were just in time to wish me. Kinda sweet still. I was pretty upset last week, how I was going to enjoy myself on that day, but now I’ve taken off, going out with the two people that made life in ngee ann the best, kim and mel. It should be 3, Janet should be there too, babe I hope you’ll forgive me, that’s the only birthday wish I really want. Then with joel, ash and someone else, can’t wait for that either, to hang out with people that really take care of me, people I can trust without having to bother about intentions. Bcos recently intentions has just got me hurting myself, and bleeding bad. & on 17th, it’s going to be an expensive lunch with my aunt because I promised to treat her to crustacean and I can get my free chocolate cake as well ;) then to waste my supposedly perfect day at media corp till I meet my secondary school class girls, bumkins, stephie… I guess it’s going to be almost perfect cos I’ll be meeting the people I lurveeee. & I’m not forgetting Friday night… partyeeee! With the animals, homosexuals and jokers. Haha come here fluffy… and baby calf. Haha. To make it more perfect, lynette, shauny, zhou, han yao, leslie, stevie, martina. debbie, xin, yeung, andre, brans, joee, yuyin, spencer, Thomas, Irene, ice, ian, Wilson… when did we last leave off? I’ve been so caught up with the people, only yesterday night, Jerald reminded me of another pro of ur birthday-gifts. Thanks Jerald, I needed that, it came coincidentally when I felt that 17th was going to be another fucked up time. Just cheered me up for awhile ?