bottled up thoughts in maroon and yellow: i'm sorry i have to humour and keep the pretence

_Thursday, December 02, 2004
[i'm sorry i have to humour and keep the pretence]

Okay I so want to quit crustacean. I know it’s a matter of time before I fit in, but I don’t know I just don’t like all the behind the back talk etc. oooh screw it. Been feeling fugly, but when I met perfect kim well it just didn’t matter. We sat and talked, shopped for lingerie at tangs, the place is just beautiful now, and the lingerie department such a luxury ate yoghurt ice cream. Today was really a short sweet perfect time with kim, I don’t know what I’ve done to have been blessed with such a bestie such as kim. She understands me, tolerates me, make me happy, assures me, keeps my secrets safe, gives good advice, lets me be there for her. And the girl I love taking photos with. It’s only after meeting you that I’ve learnt so much, about brands about being a narcissist, cos I never really enjoyed taking pictures, never knew how to make faces. You taught me a lot, even if you never knew it. Will never ever regret our hoobbie job, it was my turning point. Next, the day was screwed up, but somehow you made it feel worst then all better at night. It’s my mind those thoughts driving me nuts, cos everything affects. Owells. And to fill the inbetweens of my day, had a short chat with andre online in the morning, and it so made me want to just give him a big squeeze. I cannot believe he still has the dumb pics I made him pose for using his camera, all the lame shots of uncle tobys, I’m glad you’re coming back dude, hopefully not with your smelly socks my fat, uncle, best friend, confidant. (I say these words in hope that when you get back nothing will change, man I miss you and the good ol times, starbucks will never ever ever be the same with you missing) Then Christian, so far far away but yet some how so near. no words will describe how happy and honored I feel whenever you turn to me sometimes for help. Thanks sweet marshall. *I’m thinking, friday night. What can I do to make tomorrow unforgettable. What can I do to show you my sincerity. What can you bring to your new home that will remind you of me. When we don’t call, when I don’t visit, when new years and one week holidays stop, what will I do when you’re away. Trips to Malaysia have something missing. That’s why it’s so important, this parting gift has to be memorable, absolutely unforgettable.